I gotta be honest, I’m just not feeling the grammar jokes today. Nor am I feeling particularly serious or intelligent. I’m just… feeling… kind of seasonally discombobulated. Does anyone else out there struggle a little bit more than they’d like with the change of seasons? I’m at my Meet Up Group this morning (see this post if you don’t know what I’m talking about). It’s just after 7am. It’s dark and cold outside. In fact, it’s supposed to snow in Denver tomorrow starting with some nice, almost-November rain later today. I know the whole upcoming “fall back” thing is supposed to help with the mornings, and I’ll take any help I can get, but not being a morning person, I really lament the early dark evenings. When the sun goes down by 5pm and all the warmth is sucked out of the ambient environment as quickly as the sun sank, it’s really hard not to get cold and think about food and my bed. I’m sure there’s some scientific explanation of why we actually require more sleep in the winter (bears… hibernation?) but 6:30pm is just not an appropriate bedtime if you’re not a 3 year-old. (Nor could I actually sleep that long even if I did go to bed that early!)

 

Every year I try to pretend like the whole season change is not a big deal. Like if I willfully ignore it, it just won’t exist for me. Even though I try every year, it doesn’t really work all that well so my next tactic is to try to look at all the “bright sides” that people adore about fall: leaves turning colors, crunchy leaves on the ground, the chill in the air, puffy vests and jackets, football, pumpkin lattes and pies. I’ve even subscribed to the belief that movies are seasonal so now that it’s getting chilly, it’s a great time to think about re-watching the Harry Potter movies, or one of my favorite cult classics, The Burbs. Then I’ll slide into winter with While You Were Sleeping, maybe Lord of the Rings and random Christmas movies. And that stuff is all good. And I am grateful for it.

But somehow, leaves changing colors silently screams of death, crunchy leaves mean I’ll have to rake them endlessly, and the chill in the air and dark mornings and evenings mean I don’t want to get out of bed or walk the poor dog. (It’s high-drama up here in this head of mine.) There are truly no downsides to football or pumpkin… and Christmas is my favorite holiday. But yeah, I’m just not an optimist. Sometimes I think that makes me funny and I like it, but other times it’s just straight up annoying. Lately they’re saying that longevity in life is tied to optimism. I think that makes sense because pessimists are way cooler with death anyway… but I mean, wouldn’t you feel bad if like infamous optimists such as Pollyanna, Anne Shirley, Tigger or Barney (giant purple dinosaur) dropped dead too young?

And the crazy part about all this is that I live in Colorado where it’s sunny and bright way more days than it’s dark and gloomy – even with all the snow. So what right do I have to be a big, whiny baby? Don’t answer that. How do people in Alaska cope? Seriously? I’m not sure there are enough sun/heat lamps in the world that would make me not lose my mind in Alaska during perpetual winter.

 

What also drives me a little bit crazy about all this is that it’s NEVER a surprise. This happens. Every. Year. At the exact same time. Shouldn’t we be used to this by now, body?!?! What good does dredging up the dread do? What good does pre-clenching and bracing myself for the chill and dismay do other than make my shoulders and neck hurt?

 

I know it’s a legit “thing” to feel a bit disgruntled in the fall and winter. It actually has a very apt and pretty ironically hilarious acronym — SAD. Yes, yes I am. Because I miss the warmth and sunshine and the ability to fling myself outside at any moment from 7am to 9pm and bask in the light. Seasonal Affect Disorder. It’s been in the DSM (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual) since the ‘80s (which is a good 40 years by now), so you know it’s not total crap. Although I have not ever been “formally diagnosed,” I have my suspicions. I know myself. I know my body. And apparently it has a lot to say about this. ;)

 

There are some interesting stats on it too:

• Seasonal Affective Disorder occurs four times more often in women than in men.

• The age of onset is estimated to be between 18 and 30 years.

• The prevalence in places like Canada and the UK is way higher compared to say Florida or other places near the equator .

• You’re more susceptible to SAD if you have it in your family history, experience other depression or bipolar disorders, or live far from the equator.

 

For anyone out there who is truly mystified by what symptoms of SAD look and feel like, here’s a list for you. People with SAD can:

• feel sad, irritable, and may cry frequently;

• are tired and lethargic,

• have difficulty concentrating,

• sleep more than normal,

• lack energy,

• decrease their activity levels,

• withdraw from social situations,

• crave carbohydrates and sugars, and tend to gain weight due to overeating. (1)

 

Did anyone else out there just say “CHECK” to a handful of those symptoms? Forget the very real fact that from Halloween to New Years is a deep dark slide from Halloween candy, to Thanksgiving side dish carbs, to Christmas cookies and a whole lot of sugar and carbs from New Year’s alcohol. That combination alone is a delicious, depressing and plumping fact. But it’s the most wonderful time of the year according to the song, right? And in a lot of ways, it is. But what’s also tricky about that is that expectations mess with people pretty hard core. To some extent, we all want to feel loved, connected, celebrated etc. during this season with friends and family. But life happens. People are missing from the dinner table and they’re not coming back. Rifts between siblings and parents that are squashed all year long suddenly bubble up when you’re all together. Money is painfully tight. People are lonely. We want to expect all the holiday goodness, but our experiences don’t always match up with those hopes or expectations. That’s hard.

 

OK, that all sucks, but what’s the actual “science” behind SAD? As far as I can tell, there are three big things going on with serotonin, melatonin and Vitamin D. 

1. Our serotonin levels get all wonky and that directly impacts our mood.

   Result: People with seasonal affective disorder have difficulty regulating the neurotransmitter serotonin, a neurotransmitter believed to be responsible for balancing mood. In one study, people with SAD had 5% more SERT, a protein that assists with serotonin transport, in the winter months than in summer. SERT transports serotonin from the synaptic cleft to the presynaptic neuron, so higher SERT levels lead to lower serotonin activity, thus causing depression. Throughout the summer, sunlight generally keeps SERT levels naturally low. But as sunlight diminishes in the fall, a corresponding decrease in serotonin activity also occurs. (2)

2. There’s an increase in melatonin production, your body’s natural sleepy time instigator. This hormone in us actually responds to darkness. (3)

   Result: The combination of decreased serotonin and increased melatonin impacts circadian rhythms. Circadian rhythms or the body's internal 24-hour “clock” are synchronized to respond to the rhythmic light–dark changes that occur daily and throughout each of the seasons. For people with SAD, the circadian signal that indicates a seasonal change in day length has been found to be timed differently, thus making it more difficult for their bodies to adjust. (4)

3. There are fewer hours of sunlight and we’re outside less with more clothes on so there is way less natural vitamin D being produced and absorbed by our bodies in fall and winter than in spring and summer.

   Result: Vitamin D is believed to play a role in serotonin activity, Vitamin D deficiency and insufficiency have been associated with clinically significant depressive symptoms. (5)

I don’t pretend to have any answers but I can at least tell you what I tell myself to do because it helps more times than not. Unfortunately, I don’t always do these things, which is infuriating, but I know it’s also human. On that note, what I tell myself to do is:

• Stop judging. Not crap on myself for feeling mushy. In non-Lauren speak that means I try not to heap additional judgement on myself for feeling tired, blue, unmotivated, or stuck. It’s normal. It’s OK. I know I can’t stay in that place for too long, but sometimes just sitting with it and letting it be is a lot healthier than self-loathing, perpetual distraction (TV) or denial. Set a timer, be miserable, then go take a walk or call a friend.

• Move. Just like melatonin and serotonin and Vitamin D are “real,” so are endorphins. Endorphins kick in when you exercise even the littlest bit and they generally make you feel better. There is something to “burning off steam.” And I’m not saying I run marathons in the snow… or ever for that matter! Sometimes it’s literally just following along with a stretching video on YouTube or taking the dog around the block. But I try to get out of whatever funk I’m in by moving – even and especially when that’s the last thing I actually want to do. Sometimes not giving myself the option to not do it is the easiest way to do it.

• Phone a friend. Sometimes what I really need is just good old connection with another human. The trick here is not letting myself get stuck in my head for too long. When I feel crappy, the last thing I want to do is spew that all over another human so I tend to isolate instead of reaching out. One hundred percent of time, that fails, so I literally have to fight myself on it and just pick up the damned phone. Listening to what’s going on with my mom or my sister is kind of awesome. And unloading a little bit of my own stuff is also really helpful. It doesn’t feel as heavy when it’s shared, and hopefully that’s a mutually beneficial thing.

• Get out of the house. Work at a coffee shop. Run an errand to feel productive. Interact with other humans. Smile at someone (don’t be creepy)… you’ll be surprised how good it feels when they smile back. If all you can do is bitch and moan about raking leaves, shoveling snow or the bitter cold, strike up a conversation and do it. Chances are the other person will feel your pain to some extent.

• Find a dog or cat to bother/play with. Pets are seriously healing and funny and ridiculous, They’re the best. If you can’t physically access a furball, find some memes or vids on the interwebs. They’re adorable and often make me laugh out loud and snap me out of the funk. (Just don’t get lost scrolling through Facebook comparing yourself to “perfy” friends or models. Not healthy.)

• Throw on some music and dance, head bang, be a giant goober. Music is also a mood shifter and can be healing. Go for a drive and blast some tunes.

 

Give a yell if anything in here resonates with you. And give yourselves and each other a freakin’ break in this weird transition from summer to fall to winter, OK? If you’re a natural optimist, God bless you! If winter is your favorite season, help the rest of us miserable humans get our shit together, k? Thanks. We really appreciate it. Really… we do.

 

 

_______

Sources

(1), (2), (3), (4) and (5):  https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4673349/

Blog image: https://crmhs.org/seasonal-affective-disorder-sad/