On Friday we busted up the nefarious underworld of homophones with the word nerd quiz. If you remember, homophones are words that sound similar but are spelled differently and have different meanings.
With no logical segue, let’s jump over to the 1950 Disney classic movie Cinderella. After the untimely death of her sweet mother, Cinderella’s father marries Lady Tremaine. Lady Tremaine has two snot-nosed daughters named Drizella and Anastasia. In the flash of an eye, Cinderella winds up with two wicked stepsisters. Their mission, as you might remember, is to make Cinderella’s life a living hell.
Like Cinderella, homophones also have wicked stepsisters. They’re nerdier, but no less awful. Their names are homographs and heteronyms. Their mission in life is to confuse the crap out of anyone learning the English language—children and adults alike.
I’m going to give you a cheat sheet up front so that you can come back to it when needed.
HOMOGRAPHS are words that are spelled the same but have different meanings.
Heteronyms are a type of homograph that are also spelled the same and have different meanings, but sound different.
Homographs
Let’s start with a scenario… because no one wants to dive into grammar unless it’s vaguely relatable and mildly amusing, so here goes.
You’re chatting with your friend on the phone for a few minutes when there’s a break in the convo. She interrupts the silence blurting out that she forgot to tell you that she ran into a pole the other day. You don’t have the helpful visual clues for context. How do you respond?
“Did it hurt?” Or “was he nice?”
Whereas homophones are totally different words that just happen to sound similar, homographs are the same freakin’ word (spelled exactly the same), with different meanings. “Pole,” in this case, is a homograph. The telephone pole and the gentleman from Poland are both poles. We write and say them the same, but they do not mean the same thing.
The bow of a boat and the bough or branch of a tree = homophones.
The bat used in baseball and the blood-sucking creature flying around at night = homographs. Got it?
Mean, if you ask me. I might go so far as to say they are the older wicked stepsister (e.g., Drizella)… you know, because they’re usually the masterminds, while the younger ones are the somewhat clueless followers. Regardless of birth order, we have 26 letters, can’t we find different combinations for words with different meanings?!
You may be thinking, but how bad can it be? Well, let me tell you. Let’s call this story El Horror.
My freshman year of college I was skimming through a short story in Spanish before class that I was supposed to have read in full. The author kept mentioning the word pastor, and I wasn’t sure if it was one of those words that actually mean the same damned thing in English and Spanish (so when you ask you feel like a complete moron — e.g., horror). So, I quietly looked it up, old-school, in my Spanish-English dictionary and found out it meant “shepherd,” which, looking back, I guess I could have figured out seeing as how a Pastor is the “shepherd” of his church flock, but my brain was just not there. I was 18 and most likely hungover. So, I assumed the protagonist in this story was a shepherd, and that clued me in to his character and the setting.
The story also kept repeating the word alemán after pastor, which I knew meant German because the country of Germany is called Alemania in Spanish. So, I’m thinking it’s strange that the author keeps referring to the main character as el pastor alemán, or the shepherd from Germany. “I get it already. Is it that relevant? Maybe…? I don’t know.” I kept skimming through and got to thinking it was just sort of how he referred to the character. “Ok, fine,” I thought. “That’s his call; it’s his story. Maybe he meets a pastor polaco (Polish) so he has to differentiate between the two.”
Now it’s time for class. I slide into my desk-seat hoping to keep a low profile since I wasn’t exactly super-prepared, and because the native Spanish speakers in my class intimidated the hell out of me because they could speak fluently. I wish I could recall exactly what finally tipped me off in the end, but FAR too late in the class discussion about this story, it hits me. You know that sinking feeling in your gut that something just isn’t quite right? It’s like being in a bad dream, waking up, and realizing it’s real life. When full-cognition hit, I realized that this German shepherd man character was not at all a human. Alien? No. He was a flipping quadraped—four-legged. The horror! The German shepherd was a DOG, people.
As an introvert, I already have too rich of an inner world. Let’s just say it absolutely exploded at this moment and I couldn’t figure out whether to laugh or die of shame. My face turned red. I slunk down further in my seat and thanked the good Lord that I had not made this public knowledge and embarrassed the shit out of myself giving another dumb gringo story to this prof to tell at faculty parties. Then I must have started to smirk at how ridiculous this mishap was because the professor began to notice my inability to keep it together. A few sideways glances from her snapped me back into the curious, studious mode and I once again became the model student on the exterior and swore I would tell no one ever (except maybe my sister because she’d get it).
So yeah, the combo homograph/translation issue tripped me up pretty good in Spanish. Imagine what it’s like in English? How do you “explain” the homograph to an English-language learner without feeling like a complete shithead. “It sounds exactly the same. It’s spelled exactly the same. But… it doesn’t mean the same thing.” How frustrating would these phrases be if you were learning English?
Yeah, sometimes I lie to my mum. I tell her I’m taking a lie down, but then I sneak out and go to the pub.
If you bow in the bow of a boat, you may fall in. I learned this the hard way.
Mom, it’s not fair that she gets to go to the fair but I can’t!
The big red bow in her hair didn’t quite go with her bow and the whole archer theme last Halloween.
Heteronyms
Homographs are obviously confusing, yes? But wait… it gets worse. English has words that are spelled the same, but are pronounced differently, and have different meanings. These are called heteronyms (i.e., Anastasia) and they can be just as mean as their counterparts the homograph.
Again, you’re learning English. You’re feeling pretty good about your progress. You come across the word “present.” It should be pretty straight forward, right? Yeah, until you get to these sentences where emphasis is suddenly the difference between a verb (v) and a noun (n). Not cool. Here are two examples:
I wanted to present (v) you with this present (n), but unfortunately you were not present at your own party.”
o Translation: I wanted to give you a gift, but you weren’t there to receive it.
Before you address (v) the crowd, I’m going to need you to fill out this envelope so that I can mail the honorarium to the correct address (v).
o Translation: Write down where you live before you speak to the audience so I can get your check in the mail.
And sometimes it’s not about the figure of speech (noun vs. verb), or about which vowel you emphasize, but how you pronounce the word altogether.
I tear (v) up every time I read one of the newsletters from the ASPCA. Then I tear (v) it up and recycle it, and wish I could donate 1 million dollars and save all the animals in the world.
The remnant of the ingrown toenail was so minute (adj) that the doctor could barely see it with his magnifier, but I told him he had to find it because it was so painful I couldn’t stand it another minute (n)!
I followed his lead (n) and he led me to the lead (n) mine.
When the child took a bow (n) before her majesty the queen, her bow (n) fell right off her head and the crowd chuckled. She had practiced her curtsy numerous times, but forgot to do it in the moment, having copied the little boy who went right before her.
It might even be the same verb, in different tenses. Mean!
I was so excited to read (v infinitive) this book, but when I got halfway through, I realized I had already read (v past) it and I certainly wasn’t going to re-read it because I didn’t particularly like it the first time.
Last two stories before we wrap this up.
Say you’re a big fat gringo visiting Madrid and after 5 days, you’re really jonesing for a hamburger and fries. You hit the local McDonalds and order a hamburguesa and papas fritas. Papas fritas are literally “potatoes fried.” La papa (in the singular feminine), is therefore a potato. If we think about the basic qualities of a potato, you might think: white when peeled, kinda lumpy and pretty bland. Now we move on over to heteronym for papa. El papa (in the singular masculine), refers to the Holy See, aka the Pope. Draw your own comparisons. (And don’t try to fry him, you might really confuse people.)
I live near a store called Polish Pottery. Every single time I drive by, I just sort of shake my head. Is the pottery from Poland? Does the pottery have a high sheen? Is it fancy and ritzy? I’m guessing it’s the first one because the other two would probably make the store be called Polished Pottery. But still… people aren’t too good with signage as we all know, so anything is possible.
Good luck English learners. Be wary of the wicked stepsisters. And good luck native speakers of English. And good luck to anyone in school reading the story about the German shepherd. This shit is tough! But you got this. And I’m here for you. Do you have any similar stories of confusion or mishaps involving homophones, homographs or heteronyms. Please, share away. Or, if you’d like to be featured in an upcoming blog (or your story anonymously), shoot me a note! I’d love to hear from you.
P.S. Dear Poland, I had no intention of picking on you today… you just happen to be illustrative. And I’d say you’re illustrious too, but that’s a whole other ballgame. Wicked stepsisters, I had every intention of picking on you, just so we’re clear.